Confronting the death of a loved one is among the most challenging events in life. Five moths ago one of my best friends, Olivier a 38 years old dad-to-be, was struck by a heart attack during a trail race we were participating in. This traumatic event changed me and my perspective on life.

Recently I was asked: “what do you say to someone who lost a friend?” That is what do you say besides presenting your condolences and the kind of “that was her fate” sentence that everyone says without conviction in a desperate empathetic attempt.

I’d like to share here what I’ve learnt from the lost of my dear friend.

Certainty of death

During Olivier’s funerals service, the priest brought a first answer to my internal interrogations. One certainty about life is death. Sounds pretty obvious  I know but not when it is someone dear to your heart. The priest added that we all come to life, live, love and will die.

Of course this doesn’t take away any of the sadness or the challenges offered to the survivors. It reminded me simply that death was part of life and this is the hard truth that we need to accept.

No choice

The other and most striking reality I had to accept is that we don’t choose when death will come and find us. Olivier was taken away at a point in his life where he had changed for the better: he had adopted a healthier lifestyle, had a stable job, had found someone to share his life and was so excited to become a dad. This felt cruelly unfair and beyond any logic. So yeah, we do not have the choice.

Enjoy life

People (including myself) make plans with assumptions like: “I can take a loan and buy this because I will surely get a raise next year and pay back the damn thing earlier!” But how sure are we of that? Not much.

We’re however sure that we will die and it can be in 5 minutes, in 50 years or anytime in between. So what do you do about it?

This came as an evidence to me as Olivier was one of these guys who enjoyed life at the fullest and he inspired all those who knew him.

Have fun, be good and do good, never loose an opportunity (out of laziness or lame excuses) to spend time with your closed ones, avoid leaving your loved ones on bad terms for petty issues. Enjoy every day as if it was the last.

Life priorities

You should also ask yourself what is really important  in your life work, family, the big car, travelling, owning a house, etc…

There is probably no right or wrong answer here but having priorities means that you need to make choices and therefore strike out some of the items off your list and rearrange what’s left.To help you here, there are probably lessons that the person you’ve lost taught you directly or indirectly.

Don’t forget others

I believe that every person who looses a loved one reacts in their own way but there seem to be a tendency to shutdown and become more self-centered or focus on the space left empty forever.

You need to realise that he/she is gone but you’re still here. You’ve got people around who love you might be feeling that they are partly loosing you.

I’m not saying that you need to forget the person you lost, but I don’t think he/she would want you to make your relatives suffer and you’ve the responsibility to keep their spirit alive through your actions.

Life can’t be paused. The show must go on…